


Lucy Writes a Blog: The vicissitudes of friendship

by brontevindicator



Category: Villette - Charlotte Brontë
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 17:56:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1135712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brontevindicator/pseuds/brontevindicator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A modern adaptation of Charlotte Bronte's Villette, set in 21st century London. Lucy Goh (Lucy Snowe), John Beh (John Graham Bretton) and Gina Rahman (Ginevra Fanshawe) are Malaysian undergraduates studying in London. This piece covers Lucy's friendship with John. Auntie Louisa is John's mother, the equivalent of Mrs Bretton. Louisa has taken Lucy along her holiday with her son, where the John-Lucy friendship develops. It's the summer holidays of Lucy's first year at uni.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lucy Writes a Blog: The vicissitudes of friendship

This probably sounds strange, but I feel as if I would prefer my former solitude at uni to seeing John all the time. I know I'm being an ungrateful, unfeeling wretch, but I am getting weary of John's presence. Not that I dislike him. I do like him and I enjoy his company very much, but there are times I almost wish I was alone and stagnant again, instead of being with him and Auntie Louisa all the time. I have to pretend to be someone I'm not, just to keep up with him. With him I can never be fully natural. Not because he's deceitful or a big gossip, but he will never truly understand who I am, and honestly I don't want him to.

When I first got to know him again, I know that with him, I used to feel happier, because at I was lonely and he is a nice person and excellent company. But now we are getting used to each other the novelty of a new acquaintance has worn off. I think at first he liked me because we can talk intellectual topics with each other that others don't care for, but I'm sure by now he's found out that I'm really a boring person.

I often feel that I am a living paradox. My own self is dull, but by thoughts can be interesting and unusual. I never venture out to new places and experiences, but there are times my imagination runs wild.

Those others consider "interesting" are actually very conventional beings. They like the same things as most people, they think similar things, they can be superficial and intolerant to those they deem lesser beings. They are fascinating because they have charisma, they are fun to talk to and be with, but their thoughts are nothing worth pondering over. No wonder people bemoan the unoriginality of the human race. One can compare this situation to two vases. They overlook the dull surfaces, which may conceal a true and original treasure; and laud instead the bright, flashy artifact, false, imitative and less finely-worked.

There is this barrier between us. We were never close, and that's the truth. Talking about deep things doesn't make a friendship close. No doubt those people he talks ordinary things with are closer to him than I have ever been. I feel that he stands on ceremony with me - he avoids certain topics, and won't reveal much of himself, even though he's nice and, on the whole, communicative with me. He speaks to me because it is his nature to be nice and friendly, not because he particularly sees me as a good friend.

I know very well that he's been thinking of Gina lately, only he won't talk to me about it. The other day when Auntie Louisa wasn't around, I think he wanted to say something to me. He had obviously been thinking of how he would put it, because I saw him approach me, rather tentatively, and seemed on the verge of saying something that had been bothering him. I looked up, expectant, and was about to mention Gina, but I suppose he thought the better of it. He regained his composure, and quickly spoke on another subject.

Sometimes I feel he only sees me because he is sorry for me, or because Auntie Louisa asked him to. I can't help feeling angry about that, even though I know she means well. Well, I won't have your friendship on such patronising grounds. I want to have a friendship on my own terms, because you genuinely want to be friends, and you see something good in me. I won't be an object of charity when it comes to friendship. I would sooner accept money for my university fees. At least there is nothing personal or emotional attached to that.


End file.
